Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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