just tell him i said nine months
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
