I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
