It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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