i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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