I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize