OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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