In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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