i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
