Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
