i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
