I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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