i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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