This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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