First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
