I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
