Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birth control should be required to get into college
We had to coat check the pizza.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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