You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
