Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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