***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I puked a lego.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
