SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
