just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
