break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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