does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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