I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
