You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize