When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
