Plan B is the new Plan A
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
