someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
