I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
