I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
