Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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