I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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