i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
