i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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