Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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