i can't believe i had my finger in that
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
BRING THE BAGELS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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