better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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