Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
