stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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