Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
