Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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