when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
