Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
