I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Mom said you looked used
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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