Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
