If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
