Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
