You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
