i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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