the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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