so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
