Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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