I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
