Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
