Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I didn't notice because vodka
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
