im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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