just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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