Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
