you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
