hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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