question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A+ Viking dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
