I wish I could punch you in the face.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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