yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
