her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
