Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
