took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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