we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
