whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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