It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
