i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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