You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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