You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
