What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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