But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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