Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
