I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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