You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
