when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
