i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
