Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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