My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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