people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize