I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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