She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
