Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
