what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize