Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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