Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
