I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He passed out mid-signature
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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