It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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