I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He better not be in your backpack
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
