were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
