Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my shit smells like andre
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
