I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize