If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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