Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
