Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
