My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
