I'm going to jail i love you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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