he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
