Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
